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» The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the policy or views of Secret Serrania.
It’s amazing, isn’t it? The Coronavirus pandemic which began at the start of 2019 has claimed 4,757,625 deaths worldwide. The five countries with the worst death tolls in Europe are: the UK with 136,336, then Italy with 130,603. There have been 117,147 deaths in France, 93,370 in Germany and 86,229 in Spain.
But, for all the sadness, economic devastation and other problems caused by this virus, there has been a funny side also, writes our contributor Paul Whitelock.
Hey, do you remember all the things we learned back in March 2020, when the world shut itself down?
We learned how to wash our hands properly. Apparently, we’d been doing it wrongly for about a million years.
The UK electorate realised that they’d been hoodwinked by Prime Minister Boris Johnson. He really was a hesitant buffoon, a clown, not very bright. OK, let’s not beat about the bush: BOJO IS AN INCOMPETENT W**KER. Some of us knew that all along, of course.
After the schools shut down, parents quickly realised what a valuable job teachers do. Some parents couldn’t handle the discipline with just one or two kids in their home classes! And all that lesson preparation?! Blimey!
Thanks to Zoom, WhatsApp and other communications apps, we found out what the chattering classes read from the bookshelves behind them during interviews.
We discovered that the Coronavirus is really dangerous during the night when we’re all asleep, hence the night-time curfews.
In Spain, it was also extra dangerous if we drank alcohol after 6 pm. That lasted for several months. Now it’s not dangerous at all, no more toque de queda (curfew) and you can drink till dawn without any risk (other than from alcohol poisoning, of course!).
If you are doing sport you become instantly uninfectious and don’t need to wear a mask.
We learned a whole new vocabulary: perimetry, curfew, quarantine (that used to be just for your dog or cat), lockdown, mask (only crooks wore masks up to March 2020), social distancing, two metres, home delivery (that used to be what pregnant mums did – not in the age of Covid-19 – oh no! Not any more!)
We also learned that in many countries the Coronavirus was particularly virulent in hairdressers and barbers salons. In Spain, however, these places were regarded as risk-free and have remained open throughout the entire period of the pandemic.
Theatres are dangerous places in many countries also. The stages of the West End in London have remained dark since March 2020 and provincial theatre has been devastated.
Here in Ronda we’ve been going to the theatre and to live music gigs regularly since last summer – socially distanced of course, but nevertheless, it’s worked!
I guess you’ve heard the one about the English actor who, when asked what his last role was, replied “Customer Adviser in an Insurance Call Centre!”
Attending some sports events is safe, but at others the virus is rampant. We could attend live football matches during the European Championship, but not live athletics at the Olympics.
Attendance at bullfights was also ruled out until recently. Now the plazas de toros are virus-free and we can attend again.
Now that we’re all getting vaccinated, we’ve created herd immunity, which means we’ve beaten the virus. Way hey!
Hang on a minute, there are new strains, like the Indian (I thought that was a meal you went for after the pub on a Friday night), the Brazilian (I thought that was something else too!) and the British (EU abandoners to a man!). All of which may render our jabs ineffective. Back to the labs, lads!
Whilst Bojo is considering dropping the requirement to wear a mask, other countries are banning fashion masks and insisting on medically approved versions in a choice of colours – black, grey or white.
But, what we’ve learned most of all is that much of the human race is plain stupid. I’m not just talking about ex-president Donald J Trump or President Jair Bolsonaro of Brazil, but also all those Covid-19 deniers.
And as for the thousands of youngsters who think it’s ok to go to mass booze parties, known as botellones here in Spain, well, words fail me. As someone who has suffered the disease and who has seen fit and healthy friends die of this coronavirus, I am flabbergasted by such wilful and selfish behaviour.
Time to get down off my soapbox. See you soon and keep healthy.
